This put up was initially posted on my Fridays With Lorelei Facebook page together with a number of different updates. Tune in there for added updates.
I discovered myself sorting mail final evening. Oddly, there was extra for Lorelei than for the remainder of the household. And these weren’t hospital letters or appointment confirmations. They had been greeting playing cards. As I opened them I discovered myself crying tears of pleasure alongside aspect the tears of unhappiness… realizing that half these playing cards had been “get nicely”, “we’re eager about ya” playing cards whereas the opposite half had been birthday playing cards. How extremely bittersweet is it to get “you survived, wahoo!” playing cards combined with Glad 2nd Birthday playing cards?
Don’t get me unsuitable, I’m grateful and I totally perceive how a lot of a miracle baby she is. I like that she is receiving a lot love! However this week will at all times be an emotional week for me, with or with out January’s occasions. Within the midst of the envelopes, it was merely a type of weaker moments when I discovered myself sobbing “it’s simply not truthful!!!”
It’s not truthful that my child stopped respiratory a number of instances final month. It’s not truthful she caught the flu. It’s not truthful that I’m continuously worrying. It’s not truthful that we canceled her birthday celebration due to germs. It’s not truthful that she has extra physician buddies than two yr previous buddies. It’s not truthful that, when she turns two, she is now formally in that 2-5 yr vary when analysis says most of those children have handed away. It’s not truthful that I’m weaning my baby off narcotics, with narcotics, on her second birthday. It’s not truthful that my nearly 2 yr previous can not sit up, can not stroll, can not discuss, can not eat by mouth.
Then there’s at all times the opposite aspect. Oh that hopeful, devoted and constructive different aspect. That is the aspect that forces me to cease taking a look at our setbacks as setbacks. However as a substitute, forces me to get up each morning and thank God for an additional day with Lorelei. As a result of she nearly died in my arms in January. And he or she has circled the drain a pair extra instances after that. So the “different aspect” at all times counters again, in it’s loud and unshakably assured voice: she began respiratory once more and he or she saved on preventing. Her tiny, medically fragile physique beat the identical flu that has killed wholesome adults this season. You are concerned and you might be fearful since you are experiencing a type of parenting that many won’t ever have the chance to expertise. You’ll be able to reschedule a celebration for everytime you need – you handle Lorelei’s calendar anyway don’t ya?! She is blessed to have buddies, whether or not they’re medical doctors or toddlers, who sincerely care a lot about her, and her dad and mom. She IS turning two, she made it to TWO! She survived intubation – and he or she simply wants extra time to get better and an extended time to wean. And using medication has fallen to the right timing with two yr molar teething! She is a rockstar at laying on her again, and for proper now, she is kind of completely satisfied and content material about it. She can also be a lot stronger than one would suspect her to be after the depraved begin of the yr, miraculously nearly again to the place she was in December!
So you will see me, at any given second, someplace between these two sides. The traumatized mother and the hopeful mother. We weren’t promised to have tomorrow’s birthday. It’s a reward. A present that phrases can not specific how grateful I’m to have…
All that to elucidate why I’ve been a sizzling emotional mess all day as we speak, and shall be tomorrow too. Subsequent time you see a particular wants mother, attempt to know and respect her curler coaster. However don’t really feel sorry for her… simply remember to give her a excessive 5, a hug, or a bottle of wine. This life isn’t for the faint of coronary heart. It’s for the gritty, devoted, decided, takes-exhaustion-to-an-all-new-level lady who desires, greater than something, to make her baby/kids completely satisfied regardless of their obstacles.
PS. For individuals who have despatched playing cards and items of all kinds!! Thanks. Thanks so extremely a lot for considering of Lorelei and our household. It should take time however I’ll attempt to get again to all of you. And we’ll attempt to pay it ahead to others who’re going by their very own loopy instances! 💚